


Between Wanting and Regret

by celardor



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Getting Together, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Omega Katsuki Yuuri, Omega Victor Nikiforov, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-06-29 09:25:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15726591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celardor/pseuds/celardor
Summary: Yuuri Katsuki has had a crush on famous skater and fellow omega Victor Nikiforov since he was twelve. It’s a dream come true, then, when Victor shows up in his hometown to coach him, even though Yuuri is convinced that his idol doesn’t return his romantic interest. A few weeks into their training in Hasetsu, however, Yuuri wakes one morning to find Victor inexplicably sick in bed. When the cause of his illness is discovered, it leads to an eye-opening encounter that will fundamentally change the nature of their relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know lots of people have written various versions of these characters in a universe that is basically canon but with A/B/O elements, but this is my take on that idea. I wanted to explore how dealing with something like going into heat would affect the progression of their relationship during the Summer of Mutual Pining. I also envision them as both still being gay in an A/B/O universe, so this is my idea of what that could look like. The story is ¾ written at this point but still needs some editing, and I’ll post chapters as I finish them.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at celardor12.tumblr.com

There are days where Yuuri still can’t believe this is his life now. 

Even in his wildest fantasies, it had never occurred to him to imagine that Victor Nikiforov would appear in his family’s onsen, naked as the day he was born, declaring himself to be Yuuri’s new coach. Such a thing simply should not happen in any rational world, and yet somehow, for reasons that still don’t fully make sense to Yuuri, this is exactly what has occurred. At first, Yuuri is too deeply in shock to properly process the fact that his lifelong idol is now living in his house, gushing over his mother’s cooking, and trying to “get to know him better”. This last seems to consist of alarmingly intimate face-stroking and personal questions about his lovelife. 

It’s entirely too much to take in at first. 

After that, Yuuri is simply too exhausted from Victor’s training regimen to give much thought to anything else. At this point, even the furious arrival of Yuri Plisetsky doesn’t pose nearly as much of a shock as it probably should.

But, the days gradually settle into something of a routine, and Yuuri slowly starts to get used to being around Victor. He gets used to Victor’s easy charm, his enthusiasm for every new food he tries, his barbed encouragements from his bike on their morning run. Eventually he gets used to skating with him, although it still gives him a little rush each time: the sounds of their skates moving on the ice in tandem as they run through his routine, the weight of Victor’s eyes on him from across the rink as he practices his jumps. He even gets used to the sight of Victor naked in the onsen, trying never to let his eyes linger too long on the graceful lines of Victor’s body.

Prior to Victor’s sudden arrival, Yuuri would have said that he was pretty much an expert on all things Victor Nikiforov. He can recite Victor’s life story, list all of his skating routines from memory, and rattle off stats about his height, weight, and the exact shade of his eye color.

But now that Yuuri is spending time with Victor in person, he can appreciate that he never really knew him at all. Now, Yuuri learns new things about Victor every day during their long hours together. He learns that Victor is just as comfortable hanging out in a pair of sweatpants and a worn T-shirt as he is in designer fashion (and, at least in Yuuri’s opinion, is just as beautiful in it). He learns that Victor has a truly insane metabolism, seeming to be able to eat anything and everything without worrying about his weight the way Yuuri does. He learns that Victor has a ridiculous beauty routine in the morning that involves a great many tiny bottles of skincare products. He learns, to his surprise, that Victor doesn’t have the same stamina that he does. Victor tires more easily after a gruelling day on the ice, and eventually confesses to Yuuri that he rides his bike in the morning because extended runs have become hell on his knees. 

Yuuri has even helped ice Victor’s knee after a particularly brutal practice session, gaze lingering on the small surgical scar from his ACL repair. He knows all about the injury, of course. He was devastated when he heard that it would take Victor out of competition for the better part of a season. He remembers watching the World Championships that year, thinking that it just wasn’t the same without Victor. 

His younger self could never have believed that he’d someday find himself pressing an ice-pack to the site of that same injury, laughing while Victor recounts a story about Yakov physically dragging him off the ice when he tried skating before his knee was fully healed. But his life is full of these moments now, and Yuuri goes to bed every night with a smoldering ember of happiness in his chest. It’s a new feeling, but a good one. 

Another thing that Yuuri has learned about Victor is that he is a morning person…. and a pretty annoying one, at that. Yuuri has never enjoyed mornings. His body always feels sluggish and off-kilter for about the first hour that he’s awake, and pulling himself out of bed sometimes feels like a herculean effort. He’s used to it, of course, the rigours of his training schedule having required an early start most days. In Detroit, Phichit had lured Yuuri out of bed with hot coffee and a bright stream of chatter that continued into their morning run. Now, Yuuri wakes to the sound of banging on his door, Victor’s cheerful voice singing, “Good morning Yuuri! Time for sleeping beauties to get out of bed!” 

Yes, Victor is an annoying morning person, and that’s what makes it so odd that it’s currently 7:30 am and Yuuri has yet to see any sign of him. The impromptu Hot Springs on Ice competition is coming up in a few days, so it’s strange that Victor even let them sleep in this late in the first place. When Yuuri makes his way into the kitchen he finds Yuri there, blearily nursing a cup of tea, but no Victor.

“Yurio, have you seen Victor today?” he asks.

“Nope. Maybe he’s hungover again.” He manages a brief squinty glare at Yuuri. “And my name isn’t Yurio, pig.” It’s a pretty token protest at this point.

Yuuri frowns, and troops back up the stairs to see if Victor is in his room. Victor went to bed early last night, complaining of a headache. It seems unlikely that he went out drinking later, but Yuuri supposes it’s not impossible. He’s still learning to read Victor’s moods, and hasn’t yet put his finger on what led Victor to get so drunk that he was late for practice the other day.

There’s no response when he knocks on Victor’s door, which is worrying, so after a moment he pushes it open anyway and steps hesitantly inside. 

He can tell right away that something’s not right. Victor is in bed, with the blankets tangled around his waist. He doesn’t seem to react to Yuuri’s entrance, and when Yuuri approaches the bed with a tentative “Victor?”, he just moans a little and curls up on himself more.

Alarmed, Yuuri sits next to him and puts a hand on his forehead. Victor’s skin is burning up, but his face is even paler than usual, droplets of sweat beading on his brow. 

“...Yuuri?” Victor mutters, blinking up at him briefly before shutting his eyes again. “I don’t… I don’t feel so good.” He says something else, but it’s in Russian, unintelligible.

“Victor, look at me. Can you tell me what’s wrong? When did this start?” Yuuri asks.

Victor just groans and squeezes his eyes more tightly shut.

At this moment, Yuri barges into the room. “Hey asshole! Hot Springs on Ice is in less than a week! If you think you can just get wasted and then skip our practice sessions like this, think again because…” He stops, freezing in the door once he sees Yuuri’s face.

“I don’t think this is a hangover,” Yuuri says. “I think we need to take him to the doctor. It might just be the flu, but he seems… really out of it.” That’s an understatement. Yuuri feels the first oozing tendrils of panic wrapping around his mind, but he tries to brush them aside. Victor needs him right now.

“Oh shit. OK, what do we need to do?” Yuri asks, dropping his aggressive posturing. He looks worried too now.

“Help me get him dressed and into the car?”

Yuri nods, and they get started.

Victor is naked, but for once Yuuri is too worried to feel self-conscious about it as he helps him dress. Victor offers little to no help with this endeavor, and it takes both of them to wrestle him into sweatpants and a t-shirt, which he immediately starts to sweat through. 

He only protests when they try to pull him out of bed and get him standing upright.

“What’re y’doing? I’m so tired... “ Again he mutters something in Russian.

“We’re taking you to the doctor, idiot! My God you are useless… and heavy,” Yuri complains, staggering under Victor’s weight until Yuuri gets an arm under his other shoulder. Yuri’s words are sharp but there is definitely alarm in his voice now.

“Don’t need t’go to th’doctor,” Victor is complaining. “Just need t’sleep s’more.” His eyes are glassy and unfocused, and his face is set in a stubborn little pout. It would be cute if Yuuri wasn’t so frantic with worry.

“Ah, Victor, you definitely need to go to the doctor. I don’t think you realize how sick you are,” Yuuri says. He gently starts to tug Victor in the direction of the door, and with a bit more grumbling they manage to coax him out into the hallway and down the stairs.

Mari finds them at the front door, struggling to get Victor into his shoes while keeping him upright at the same time. 

“Whoa. Is Victor OK?” she asks with wide eyes.

“Does he look OK to you?!” Yuri snarls, sagging under Victor’s weight as Yuuri finally manages to lace up his sneakers. 

Yuuri can’t even be bothered to react to Yuri’s rudeness right now. He tries to stay calm as he says, “He’s really sick, Mari. Could you bring the car around? We’re taking him to the hospital.”

Mari nods and hurries off.

They manage to get Victor into the car, where he promptly collapses in the back seat, muttering under his breath in Russian again. Yuri climbs in next to him, and Yuuri starts to get in the driver’s seat before Mari stops him.

“I’ll drive. I don’t think you should right now, Yuuri,” she says quietly in Japanese.

She’s right. Yuuri’s heart is racing and he belatedly realizes that his hands are shaking. He nods and gets into the passenger seat. 

He doesn’t take his eyes off Victor the entire ride there. Yuri is holding Victor’s hand and speaking to him in Russian. The tone of his voice is low and angry, but he’s clenching Victor’s hand tightly and his face is anxious. At the hospital, Mari drops them off at the emergency entrance and tells Yuuri to call her when they need a pickup.

As they come in, the woman at intake takes one look at Victor’s face and makes a call. Another couple of nurses come bustling into the room with a stretcher, and they get Victor laid down on it and wheel him into another room. It is all surprisingly calm and efficient. 

Before Yuuri can start to protest about them taking him away, one of the nurses returns to ask if he and Yuri could follow her please. She leads them back to the room Victor is in, where the other nurse is taking his vitals and speaking to a doctor: an older woman dressed in soothing green scrubs and a crisp white jacket. The doctor turns towards them and smiles kindly when they enter the room.

“You two brought him in?” she asks.

“Yes,” Yuuri says. “Do you know what’s wrong with him?” His voice sounds strained, even to his own ears, like he’s on the verge of tears. Victor looks so pale laying there on the bed. 

“We’re still working on figuring that out. I’ll need to ask you a few questions,” she replies calmly. “Does he speak Japanese?” 

“No,” Yuuri says, ‘but I can translate if you need.” He looks over to Yuri, belatedly realizing that he and the doctor have been speaking Japanese and Yuri won’t have been able to follow their exchange. “They aren’t sure what’s wrong yet,” he translates.

Yuri frowns and nods, not taking his eyes off Victor.

“OK,” the doctor replies. “I speak some English, but he hasn’t really responded to any of our questions, so maybe you can help.”

She asks about Victor’s age and sex, when the symptoms started, and his medical history. Yuuri responds to the best of his knowledge, although he only knows so much. When he says that Victor is an omega, she gets a considering look on her face.

“Is he on heat suppressants?” 

“Um.” Yuuri’s not sure about that. Most high-level athlete omegas take suppressants, himself included, because heats are too inconvenient when you have training and competitions. But he’s never talked to Victor about something so personal. 

“Yuri, do you know if… if Victor is taking suppressants?” he asks tentatively.

Yuri nods. “Yeah, sure, we all do. Why, could that be making him sick?” 

The doctor turns her attention to Yuri, switching to clear but strongly accented English. “It might be. Do you know when his last heat was?”

Yuri grimaces. “Ugh, I don’t know the exact date, it’s not like I keep track of that. But actually…” He looks thoughtful. “I think maybe it’s been a while. Like… over a year? At least, I haven’t seen him miss practice for it in that long.”

“OK, thank you. We’re going to run some tests but I think I may know what’s happening. You two can stay in the waiting room for now.”

“But… can’t you tell us anything about what’s wrong with him?” Yuuri asks, not wanting to leave. Victor is feebly batting at the nurse who is trying to take his blood pressure, frown firmly set on his face. 

“I’m afraid I can’t discuss his medical details with either of you until I get his OK to do so,” she says, sympathetically. “Unless either of you are family?” 

“He’s our coach!” Yuri says angrily. “He’s as good as family! You’re really going to make us go wait out there without telling us what’s going on?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t discuss his condition without his consent unless you are blood relatives,” she says firmly. “I have to ask you to leave the room now, but I assure you he is in good hands.”

Yuri looks like he is getting ready to yell some more, but she cuts him off before he can get started. “If this is… what I think it is, then he should be just fine with the right treatment. If you care about him, you’ll let us do our jobs now.”

Yuri visibly deflates, then turns and marches towards the door. “Fine. But you better take good care of him!” he yells, before stomping out of the room.

Yuuri follows after him silently, but not without a last lingering look at Victor. He’s stopped fighting the nurse taking his blood pressure, and is staring at the cuff on his arm in a stupor. He looks smaller than usual, somehow, curled up in the hospital bed, and Yuuri is overcome with a strong urge to go put his arms around him. But instead he turns, and walks out to join Yuri in the waiting room.

 

**************

 

Hours pass.

Yuuri somehow manages to feel both full of anxiety while simultaneously excruciatingly bored. He tries to pass the time by playing a game on his phone, but finds he is too worried to concentrate and keeps losing. Eventually he gives up and spends a while flipping through some of the magazines in the waiting room, staring blankly at the pages without really reading them.

Yuri does not make for particularly good company. He reads on his phone for about an hour and then falls asleep, chin sagging on his chest and mouth hanging open. Yuuri takes a surreptitious picture, hoping to show it to Victor once he’s feeling better. 

If he’s feeling better, that is. He still doesn’t know what’s wrong with Victor, although based on the doctor’s questions he wonders if it has something to do with his heat suppressants. He tries Googling “heat suppressant illness”, which is definitely a mistake since it brings up an alarmingly long list of possible side-effects and problems that might be caused by the drugs. He quickly closes that tab, and goes back to silently fretting.

Eventually, one of the nurses comes back to inform him that Victor has said they can come see him now. He gently prods Yuri awake, who looks groggy but perks up once Yuuri explains what’s happening. They follow the nurse back to another room, and Yuuri feels a rush of relief when he sees Victor sitting up in bed, looking much more alert than when they brought him in.

“Yuuri!” Victor calls out when he catches sight of him, “My hero! Tanaka-san here was just telling me about how you gallantly carried me to the hospital. I can’t believe I don’t remember it!”

The nurse grins at them both and tells Victor he can come check out at the front desk when he’s ready, before slipping out of the room.

“Well, Yuri helped too,” Yuuri says, blushing. He is struck again by the desire to somehow put his hands on Victor, to reassure himself that he really is better, but he doesn’t want to intrude on his space. He knows that if their positions were reversed he would be feeling embarrassed and want to be left alone, but Victor doesn’t seem especially bothered. In fact, he starts casually pulling off his hospital gown and re-dressing in the clothes he’d had on earlier. 

“Oh, Yurio, that’s so nice of you! I didn’t know you cared so much!” Victor coos.

“Tch. I only had to help because you’re too heavy for Katsudon to manage by himself. What was wrong with you, anyway?” Yuri asks.

“Ah...well,” Victor looks a little sheepish. “It turns out I had forgotten I needed to take a break from my suppressants. Apparently you can get pretty sick if you take them continuously for too long? Anyways, I guess my body was trying to go into heat despite the medication and it made me sick. But they gave me something and I’m feeling much better now!” He says this with enthusiasm, but he still looks drained. He moves much more sluggishly than usual as he pulls on his shirt.

“What do you mean you forgot?” Yuri asks with disdain. “Who just forgets that they need to have a heat? Your inability to do basic scheduling made us miss practice today, idiot!”

Yuri’s words are harsh, but Yuuri remembers the white of his knuckles as he’d clutched Victor’s hand in the car earlier, and suspects that the anger is mostly masking worry.

Victor seems unconcerned either way. “Well, you know I’m a little forgetful Yurio. Anyways, it’s no big deal. They’re going to release me now, and I just have to stay off the suppressants for the next month.”

No big deal is not how Yuuri would describe his morning. He still feels vaguely ill himself just thinking about Victor’s limp form in bed. Victor may be playing it off as nothing much, but Yuuri saw how sick he was. He might have been in real trouble if they hadn’t taken him to the hospital in time. Thinking back, Yuuri now remembers when his doctor first prescribed him his own suppressants, how he had warned him it was very important to take a scheduled break from them at least once per year so that his body could go into heat normally. If Victor had gone over a year without having a heat, then it was no wonder that he got so sick.

Suddenly another thought occurs to him. “Wait, Victor, you said you’d be off suppressants for a month? So does that mean…?” He can’t quite bring himself to finish the sentence, and knows his face is slowly turning beet red. 

“Hm? Oh, yes, it means I’ll have to have a heat in a couple of weeks,” Victor says blithely. “But don’t worry, it won’t be until after the Hot Springs on Ice competition.”

“Good!” says Yuri. “You better not mess up any more of our training with this nonsense.”

Victor sighs. “This nonsense is something you too are going to have to deal with soon, Yurio.”

Yuri looks nonplussed, then turns slightly red. “I do deal with it,” he mumbles quietly. “I thought you knew I had already…? Whatever, at least I know how to schedule it properly!” he finishes defiantly. 

“Oh.” Victor looks surprised, then his face splits into a teasing grin. “Yurio, I didn’t know you had officially presented! We should have done something to celebrate!”

Yuri’s face gets even redder. “Ugh! Don’t be disgusting, old man! I’m going to go wait for you idiots outside.” He whirls around and marches towards the door, calling behind him, “-and stop calling me Yurio!”

Yuuri and Victor exchange a bemused glance at the dramatic exit. They are left alone in the room now as Victor puts his shoes on. 

“I’m glad you’re OK, Victor,” Yuuri says quietly. “I was...really worried.” It’s the closest he can get to admitting to his frightened panic earlier. 

Victor gives him a small smile. “I’m sorry if I scared you.” He shakes his head ruefully, “I guess that wasn’t exactly the most professional behavior as your coach, huh?” He sighs. “I should have had my heat months ago, after Worlds. But this winter I was…” he trails off and looks down at his hands, twisting the hospital blanket between his fingers. “Well, I guess I was distracted and I forgot.”

It sounds to Yuuri like there’s more to it, but he doesn’t ask, just smiles tentatively and holds out his hand to help Victor stand. Victor takes Yuuri’s hand for a moment, meeting his eyes with his own soft smile, before pulling himself up. 

They walk back down the hall towards the exit together, and Victor holds onto Yuuri’s elbow the whole way, even though his steps seem perfectly steady now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: preparations for Victor's heat
> 
> This is my first time posting any fanfiction, so I'd appreciate any kudos and comments if you enjoyed it! The next chapter just needs a bit of editing so I should have it up soon.
> 
> I realize that I fudged the timeline of events surrounding Yurio's arrival and Hot Springs on Ice a bit, but let's just imagine that the timing is slightly different in this 'verse


	2. Chapter 2

Victor sleeps through the rest of the day after they get back from the hospital, but emerges the next morning seemingly back to his usual self. Yuuri keeps a close eye on him over the next few days, but the sickness seems to have completely passed now that he is off his suppressants. 

The remainder of the week is spent in intense practice as Yuuri and Yuri gear up for their Hot Springs on Ice showdown. Yuuri runs through Eros tirelessly, but still feels like something is missing from his performance. 

That is, until he sees Victor’s old juniors costume.

He remembers watching Victor skate in that costume like it was yesterday. He had been mesmerized by the graceful lines of Victor’s body, the long swish of his silver ponytail, the way the glistening stones on the costume caught the light in the rink and refracted it back. What struck him most, however, was the look on Victor’s face as he executed his step sequence. The way he closed his eyes, lips slightly parted, as he moved to the music. It was distinctly sensual, and Yuuri, at age 12, started to feel something while he watched that performance that he had never felt before. 

Yuuri had been aware that most of the other omegas his age were starting to become interested in the alphas in their class. He had never really seen the appeal of alphas in a romantic or sexual sense, but had thought that maybe he just had to grow into it. Watching Victor, however, with his flowing hair and distinctly omegan beauty, Yuuri suddenly wondered for the first time if maybe he wasn’t interested in alphas that way because he was actually very much interested in something _else_. 

He and Yuuko had recorded the World Championships on VHS, and later Yuuri watched that tape over and over again. He told his parents it was so he could analyze the performances, and that was partly true, but mostly he just wanted to re-experience that hot, tight feeling he got in his stomach every time he watched Victor’s skate. 

Now, holding that same costume in his own hands, the memory of those first tentative pubescent fantasies returns full force. Yuuri thinks that maybe, in this costume, he can find his Eros.

And evidently he does, because Victor declares him the winner of Hot Springs on Ice. Standing on the makeshift podium in Victor’s costume, with Victor’s arms around him and a promise that he’ll coach Yuuri until the Grand Prix Final, Yuuri feels the ember of happiness in his chest burst into bright flame.

 

****************

 

Victor and Yuuri are packing up their skating gear to head home from the Ice Castle the next day, when the realization hits. 

“Yuuri,” Victor is saying. “I want to spend some time really drilling you on that quad Salchow. If we can at least get a better handle on what you need to do to improve your success rate, you should be able to practice it on your own for a few days.”

“Huh? Why would I need to…” Yuuri trails off as he suddenly remembers. _Oh_. He’ll have to practice on his own for a couple days because Victor will be in heat. He can feel his face turning red. “Uh, right, that sounds like a good plan.”

They continue to talk about the day’s training as they walk home, but Yuuri isn’t really paying attention to the conversation anymore. All he can think about is the fact that Victor will be _in heat_ , in his house, in only a few days’ time.

Yuuri knows that he and Victor should have a discussion about it, so he gathers his courage and broaches the subject that evening as they are relaxing in the onsen. It’s quieter now without Yuri here, more intimate. At the moment, there’s no one else besides the two of them in the section of the springs reserved for male omegas. 

The onsen has always soothed his anxiety. The trickling sound of water, the soft scent of early summer flowers, and the feel of warm mist rising in curtains into the air will always mean home to him. He lets that feeling fill him with calm, before he speaks.

“So I wanted to ask, um, about your heat… how many days do you think it will last?”

Victor doesn’t seem to feel as awkward about the topic as Yuuri does. He glances at Yuuri and shrugs. “For me, usually it’s about two or three days? You should be OK to train on your own during that time. We can go over some specific things for you to work on, beforehand.”

“OK, that sounds good. Do you know when it might start?”

“I think maybe around Friday? I’m usually pretty regular once I’m off the suppressants.”

“OK. And were you… planning to spend your heat here at the onsen? Or did you want to go to a heat hotel?”

Victor looks at him curiously. “A heat hotel? What’s that?”

“Oh, right, I forget they’re not common in Western countries. It’s a hotel that’s designed specifically for spending a heat in. The rooms are very private, and the staff are all omegas. They have security, and a registry that you fill out beforehand. Once you’re in heat, they won’t let anyone in to see you unless that person’s name is on your registry, even if you ask them to.” Yuuri has never stayed at a heat hotel himself, but he knows generally how they work. “It’s a way for single omegas to ensure that they won’t be bothered by anyone they weren’t already interested in, or a way for couples to...um... ensure privacy during that time.”

“Oh, that’s interesting! We don’t have anything quite like that in Russia. But I don’t know, it sounds a little… impersonal? I was assuming I would just stay here.” He looks unsure, suddenly. “I mean, if that’s OK? I don’t want to impose or… I know there can be different cultural expectations about it, I didn’t think about that...”

Yuuri cuts him off before he can get too worried. “No, no of course you can stay here! That’s totally fine. I just wasn’t sure what you wanted.”

“Oh, OK.” He seems relieved. 

It’s clear Victor doesn’t want to be an imposition, so Yuuri doesn’t say what he is thinking, which is that Victor in heat at the onsen will be sheer torture for him. Yuuri knows all too well what a heat is like: the desperate drive to be filled, the way you can lose yourself in mindless pleasure. Knowing that Victor will be experiencing that just down the hall from him… yeah, _torture_.

In fact, the only thing worse would be- “Will you want to share your heat with someone?” Yuuri blurts out. 

Victor looks surprised at the question, but then an expression that Yuuri can’t decipher flits across his face for a second. It’s almost… hopeful? He seems to be at a loss for words, which is very possibly a first. 

The thought of Victor having a sex marathon with some other person makes something dark and ugly rear its head inside Yuuri, but he tries to tamp the jealousy down. It’s not like he has any kind of claim on Victor in that way, after all. Victor is his coach, and at this point Yuuri thinks it’s safe to say that he is also becoming his friend. Friends look out for each other during their heats, so Yuuri gamely goes on. 

“I could be your consent-check, if you want?” 

Victor’s open expression abruptly closes off.

Yuuri rushes to explain. “I mean, if there was someone you wanted to spend it with, I could meet them beforehand? So I would know you consented before you were in heat, and to not let anyone else get near you?” Phichit had done this for Yuuri whenever he had to have a heat while they were living together in Detroit. It had meant a lot to Yuuri to know that someone was looking out for him during that time, when he was at his most vulnerable. He can do the same for Victor, no matter how much it might hurt to see him with someone else.

But Victor is looking confused and a little… disappointed? “That’s… not really…” He darts a glance at Yuuri and then looks away. “I appreciate the offer, but who do you imagine I would want to spend my heat with?”

“I don’t know… I thought maybe you’d want to find someone, maybe an alpha?” Yuuri says tentatively.

Now Victor looks at him in open surprise. “Yuuri, you do know I’m gay, right?”

“Well, yes,” Yuuri stammers. “I mean, I know you’ve dated omegas in the past. But you’ve never said explicitly, so I didn’t want to presume? You could be bi, or just attracted to alphas during your heat or…” he trails off. 

Despite rampant speculation about Victor’s love life in the media, he has always been circumspect about it in interviews. Several years ago some tabloid had managed to get pictures of him in a compromising position with a male omega model, and published them during the Grand Prix Final. At a press conference afterwards, one of the journalists had been bold enough to ask Victor about it.

Yuuri still remembered Victor’s tight smile and the exchange that followed. “I’m sorry, but I’d rather not get into my personal life at this time,” Victor had said. 

The reporter had persisted, though. “But Victor, I think your many fans would certainly be curious to know where your… preferences lie? If you’re in the closet, then-”

Victor had cut him off, looking upset. “I’m not in the closet! I’m not trying to hide anything, I just want my private life to stay private.”

At this point, Yakov had jumped in. “Yes, let’s keep the questions to those regarding Victor’s skating and his most recent _gold medal_ ,” he’d said with a glare. 

Yakov could be pretty scary when he wanted to be, and no one had pressed the issue any further. But ever since, the media had shown a lot more interest in Victor’s love life, dissecting any and all potential relationships with other omegas. Victor had also gotten a lot more practiced at charmingly deflecting intrusive questions in interviews.

Now, Victor sighs. “I’ve never been attracted to alphas, in heat or out of it. But gender aside, you think I would want to spend my heat with a stranger?”

“I mean, I just thought you might want to find someone to spend it with. You’re…”

Now Victor looks insulted. “I’m what? Slutty?” he asks, eyes narrowed.

“What?! No! No no no, I just meant… you’re you. There are so many people who must want to...I mean, you could have anyone,” he finishes lamely. _You could have me_ , he doesn’t say.

Victor looks at him for a moment. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” His voice is quiet. “I’ve actually always spent my heats alone.”

“Oh. Really?”

“Being a public figure of sorts… it would have to be someone I trusted completely. To be vulnerable like that with another person. I’ve had offers, of course. Lots of offers.” He makes a face. “But most of them aren’t really interested in _me_ , you know? I could never be completely certain that they wouldn’t take a photo or something.”

“Oh.” Yuuri had never thought about it like that. He’d had a few partners during his heats over the years. It had always been casual and fun, a couple days of nothing but mindless sex. But of course he’d never had to worry about that person selling photos of him to the press.

“I always thought…” It may just be the heat of the onsen, but it looks like Victor is blushing, “that sharing a heat would be, I don’t know, a kind of powerful experience? I want it to be intimate, to mean something. With the right person.” He’s definitely blushing now, avoiding Yuuri’s eyes, and Yuuri’s never seen Victor look embarrassed like this before. That’s supposed to be _Yuuri’s_ specialty. 

Yuuri wonders, just for a second, if he could dare to offer to spend Victor’s heat with him. They’ve grown so much closer over the last few weeks, and it almost seems like maybe Victor is hinting that… but no, no, Yuuri would never want to jeopardize their friendship or their professional relationship by making that suggestion and being rejected. 

Besides, Victor basically just said that he wants his first partnered heat to be with someone he loves, someone he could be fully committed to. And that, sadly, isn’t Yuuri. Victor is going to coach him up to the Grand Prix Final, but then he’ll probably want to return to the ice himself and move back to Russia. Victor isn’t interested in him long-term, and Yuuri should just enjoy what they have for now without ruining it by offering something Victor doesn’t want.

“I...I understand,” Yuuri says. “I’m sure we can make you perfectly comfortable to have your heat here, alone, then.”

Victor just looks at him for a moment, opening his mouth like he’s about to say something, but then closes it and looks away. “I’m sure you will,” is all he says.

Later that night, when he should be sleeping, Yuuri can’t stop thinking about what Victor had said. He had always assumed that Victor’s sex life would be exciting and glamorous, like the rest of him. Aside from the photos of him with that model, he had been attached to a few different men by the media over the years, all omegas. None had ever seemed to last long, earning Victor a reputation for being something of a playboy. But there weren’t that many men on that list, and in many cases no evidence that Victor had done anything besides go on a date or two with them. 

The more Yuuri thinks about it, the more he starts to feel angry on Victor’s behalf. It’s like the media had chosen the narrative they wanted, and decided to portray Victor a certain way no matter the truth. He thinks about the hurt in Victor’s eyes when he asked if Yuuri thought he was slutty, and wants to crush anyone who would make Victor feel that way about himself. It’s actually not at all surprising that Victor is a romantic. Anyone who’s watched him skate should be able to see that. 

Yuuri sighs, curling up in his bed and allowing himself a moment of self-pity. Whoever Victor someday decides to share his heat with will be very lucky, indeed.

 

******************

 

By that Thursday, it starts to become apparent that Victor’s heat is approaching. It probably wouldn’t be obvious to most people, but Yuuri has spent so much time with Victor by now that he notices the subtle tells. 

The first is that Victor is ravenously hungry at breakfast that morning, and again at lunch, eating even more than usual. He also stops several times during their practice session for snack breaks, distractedly eating vending machine sweets that he normally won’t touch. Yuuri doesn’t comment, since he also tends to crave carbs and sweets right before a heat, as his body prepares for several days of frenetic energy-expenditure. 

The second sign is a growing irritability that eventually has him snapping uncharacteristically at Yuuri after he massively flubs a jump. 

“Dammit Yuuri, what the hell was that?”

Normally the harsh critique would sting even more than the bruise blossoming on his hip, but Yuuri’s noticed the restless energy building in Victor all day and is actually kind of expecting it. He gets the exact same way right before a heat, if not worse. Pre-heat for him is always accompanied by a creeping feeling of agitation, the sensation of tension building under his skin with no way to release it yet. He hates it every time.

Victor immediately looks aghast, pressing his hand to his forehead and hurrying to apologize. “Agh, I’m sorry Yuuri. I didn’t mean it like that. I just know you can do better. You seem distracted today.”

It’s true. Victor’s restless pacing has been making Yuuri ancy as well. The more he thinks about Victor’s looming heat, the less he can concentrate on his skating.

“I know,” Yuuri says. “I’m sorry. I’ll do it again.” 

Victor stops him before he gets started, however. “No, that’s OK. I think that’s enough practice for today. Come here, let me take a look at that bruise.”

It’s earlier than they usually end practice, but it feels like they’re getting nowhere today and Yuuri doesn’t want to push back against Victor when he’s in this mood, so he acquiesces. He nods and skates over to the boards, putting on his guards and sitting down on the bench to remove his skates.

Victor sits next to him and hovers his hand over Yuuri’s hip. “May I?”

Yuuri nods. Victor gently pulls up Yuuri’s shirt, hissing a little in sympathy when he exposes the raw red skin from his fall, already turning a deeper purple.

“That’s going to be a bad one. You should put some ice on it when we get home.”

Yuuri hums in agreement. He can’t help but notice that Victor just referred to the onsen as “home”, which makes his stomach clench up if he thinks about it too much. “Yeah, I’ll do that. Uh… Victor?”

Victor’s hand is still on the skin of Yuuri’s hip, and he’s gently stroking his fingers over the edge of the bruise, staring at it. Yuuri’s words seem to break him out of his reverie, and he jumps a little, pulling his hand back as if burned. “Yes! Right, let’s head back. I wonder what there is for dinner tonight, I’m starving!” he says brightly, not meeting Yuuri’s eyes.

They pack up and head out. Their walk back to the inn is leisurely, but Victor is quieter than usual, seeming somewhat withdrawn. Yuuri tries not to focus on it, instead enjoying the warm turn the weather has taken as of late. The heat of the late afternoon sun on the back of his neck, the buzzing of insects, and the fluffy tufts of cloud in the sky all portend the arrival of lazy summer days.

When they get back to the inn, they head straight for the communal showers to clean up. Yuuri no longer feels particularly self-conscious about doing this with Victor (especially now that he’s back to his training-season weight), and immediately begins to strip down, hastily bundling his clothing into a locker. He’s about to enter the shower area when he notices that Victor isn’t following him.

Turning around, he sees that Victor is standing frozen by the lockers, clenching his shirt in his hands but no further undressed. He’s staring at Yuuri, gaze lingering over his chest. Victor swallows audibly, a pink blush forming on his cheeks and travelling down his neck. 

“You know, on second thought I think it’s a bit warm right now for the onsen,” Victor blurts out. “You go ahead, I’ll just...yeah. I’ll just go back to my room to shower.” 

“O...OK, then,” Yuuri says in surprise. “I guess I’ll see you at dinner?”

Victor nods once, seems to struggle to peel his eyes away from Yuuri, then turns and flees the room. He leaves a tantalizing wisp of sweet scent lingering in the air behind him. 

Yuuri is a little puzzled, but figures Victor must just not feel comfortable showering in front of strangers, even other omegas, so close to his heat. Yuuri himself takes a long soak, relaxing his muscles and trying in vain not to dwell on Victor’s behavior. 

He doesn’t see him again until dinner that evening, where Victor is again uncharacteristically quiet. He shovels food into his mouth but hardly talks, and positions himself to put as much of the table between himself and Yuuri as he can. Despite that, Yuuri can still catch a hint of the same sweet scent from earlier, although not quite as strong. It’s clearly coming from Victor, and it is very distracting. No one else in the dining room seems to have noticed it yet, but it’s only a matter of time before it becomes more apparent. 

They finish dinner, and bring their dishes back to the kitchen to clean. “I think I’m going to turn in early tonight,” Victor says as he puts his plate in the dishwasher. “And… you should probably plan on practicing alone tomorrow.”

“OK. So… it’s starting then?” Yuuri asks quietly.

Victor shifts restlessly back and forth on his feet. “Yeah, it’s....yeah. Soon.” He shakes his head as if to clear it and looks serious for a moment, visibly shifting into coach mode. “Remember what we agreed you should work on: your transition into the triple axel is still sloppy. It needs to be smoother, and you need to focus on getting enough height on your quad Sal. If you’re struggling with that, remember we talked about…”

Yuuri cuts him off with a smile and a little laugh. “Victor, I remember, we went over this five times already. And it’s only for a few days. I’ll be fine, just… go get some rest.”

Victor sighs and laughs a little ruefully. “I’m not sure how much rest I’ll actually get at this point, but OK.”

“Right. Do you...um, do you have everything you need then?” Yuuri asks.

Victor gets a glint in his eye that never bodes well. “Why, Yuuri? Are you offering to lend me a dildo or something?” he chirps brightly.

He says this just as Mari is entering the room with a tray of dirty dishes, causing her to stop short and make a choking sound. 

Yuuri splutters. “What… no! That wasn’t… I…”

“Don’t worry, I’m just kidding! I brought some of my own, of course,” Victor says with a grin. “I have everything I need.”

“Well. That’s good, then.” Yuuri tries desperately not to think too hard about Victor’s (apparently multiple?) dildos. He can only imagine how red his face must be. He doesn’t dare look at Mari, who is still snickering as she loads the dishwasher. If only her English was a little worse.

There’s an awkward silence.

“OK. Well good night then,” Victor finally says.

“Good night,” Yuuri replies. Victor gives him a last little smile over his shoulder before leaving the room.

Yuuri casts a glance at Mari. “Please, just. Don’t say anything.”

She laughs, but shakes her head wordlessly and continues cleaning. Yuuri had already told his family that Victor would be having a heat soon, so at least they knew to expect it. He appreciated that none of them had seemed phased by it, which was perhaps not surprising since they all treat Victor like another family member at this point anyways.

It takes Yuuri a very long time to fall asleep that night, thinking of Victor just down the hall. He tosses and turns, wondering how Victor is feeling. And if his mind occasionally conjures up images of Victor with one of Yuuri’s favorite dildos, well… he’s only human after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Victor's heat
> 
> You can also find me at: celardor.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

Yuuri isn’t surprised when Victor fails to wake him up at the usual time the next day. He wakes up early anyhow, and gets up grudgingly once he realizes he’s too anxious to fall back asleep. After eating a solitary breakfast, he wrestles with whether or not to check on Victor before heading out for his run. He’s not sure that Victor would welcome his presence at the moment, but on the other hand… he can’t seem to stop thinking about the state he found Victor in the last time he’d been missing in the morning. Logically, Yuuri knows this time is different, that Victor is surely fine, not passed out sick in his bed again. The illogical part of his brain, however, doesn’t seem like it will calm down until he sees him with his own eyes.

Eventually, he decides to at least bring Victor some food. Yuuri never wants to eat much when he’s in heat, so he settles on just grabbing a few energy bars and a bottle of juice before heading up to Victor’s room. 

At first there’s no response to his tentative knock on Victor’s door. 

“Victor?” Yuuri calls gently. “It’s me. I brought you some breakfast.”

Yuuri is just starting to get worried when he hears footsteps and the door is suddenly pulled open.

Victor is shirtless, with a pair of sweatpants slung low over the jut of his hips as if he’s just hurriedly pulled them on. His hair is as dishevelled as Yuuri’s ever seen it, and his face and chest are visibly flushed. The hint of sweet scent from yesterday has intensified, practically rolling off of him in a lust-inducing haze. Anyone in the same room as Victor would be able to tell immediately that he’s in full heat, his scent a beacon of desire. And anyone attracted to omegas would have a hard time resisting its pull. Yuuri is suddenly very conscious of the fact that he is wearing a pair of thin and clinging athletic shorts. 

For a moment, neither of them say anything. Yuuri swallows audibly in the silence, and Victor’s gaze follows the rise and fall of his throat. 

Yuuri knows he should say something, but the inside of his head seems to be full of static. Despite how much closer they’ve become since Victor moved here, the unreality of the moment ( _Victor Nikiforov_ , shirtless and in heat, smelling positively edible) still strikes him full force. He can’t just keep standing here ogling his coach, however, so he does his best to pull himself together.

“I thought I’d bring you something to eat before I head out for the day. I know I have trouble eating and staying hydrated when I’m in heat, so I figured maybe you could use these…” His words come out in a rush and then trail off awkwardly. Yuuri thrusts the energy bars and juice into Victor’s hands.

Victor looks a little dazed, but he smiles and curves his fingers around Yuuri’s offering. “That’s very thoughtful of you, Yuuri. I- ”

“OK! I’m going to head out then,” Yuuri says, cutting Victor off. His voice comes out in a startled squeak, and he jumps back away from the door. He knows he’s probably being rude, but he needs to get away from Victor and his overwhelming scent _right now_. The last thing he wants is to make Victor uncomfortable by showing how affected he is by it. “I’ll bring you some dinner when I get back this evening,” he adds, in a last-ditch attempt at relieving the awkwardness, before turning tail and running.

He makes a beeline down the stairs and out the door, only vaguely registering amidst his panic the small frown on Victor’s face that he leaves in his wake.

 

********************

Practice that day does not go well. Yuuri misses jumps, feels off-balance on his spins, and stumbles through his step sequence. Every time he tries to summon the feeling of Eros, he’s assaulted by the memory of Victor’s flushed face and irresistible scent, along with his own excruciatingly awkward response to it. He can’t get into the mindset of the femme fatale to save his life. It’s by far his worst day on the ice in a long time, the only saving grace the fact that Victor at least isn’t there to witness it.

Eventually he gives up, and slumps home. 

When he enters the kitchen in search of dinner, a delicious smell wafts towards him from where his mother is hovering over the stove.

“Oh Yuuri, welcome back,” she says, looking up. “I made this soup for Vicchan. His time has started, right? Maybe you could take some up to him.”

“Oh. Yeah, OK,” he responds, coming closer to take a sniff. 

He recognizes it now as the soup that his mother used to make for him when he was in heat, back when he still lived at home. It’s made from a fortifying meaty broth, but contains copious amounts of ginger and is easy to digest. It used to be the only thing he could stomach when he was in the throes of a heat, and he’s incredibly touched to see his mom making it for Victor now. It’s yet another sign of how deeply Victor has wound his way into their family in such a short time.

“So, how is Vicchan doing?” his mother asks, as she fills a bowl with soup. 

“He’s, um, good I guess? I saw him briefly this morning. I’m sure he just wants to be alone right now.” 

“Hm,” she responds. She gives Yuuri an assessing look as she hands him the bowl. “Well, go take this to him. And tell him I expect him to eat it all!”

“Yes, Mom.”

Yuuri feels nervous as he ascends the stairs towards Victor’s room. He’s still embarrassed about his reaction this morning, and would really rather avoid a repeat of that awkward encounter. But with his mother’s soup hot in his hands, he can’t back out now.

He knocks on Victor’s door, and again it takes a minute or so before Victor opens it. As soon as Yuuri sees him, he regrets his decision to stop by. It’s all he can do to hold back a gasp and keep himself from spilling the soup all over the floor.

Victor looks… wrecked. 

He’s in the same sweatpants from earlier, and is breathing a bit heavily, as though he was just exercising. (Yuuri tries very hard not to think about the implications of that.) He’s reluctant to meet Victor’s eyes, but unfortunately this means that he winds up focusing on Victor’s naked chest instead. The flush there is even more pronounced than before, and there’s a sheen of moisture over his skin. Yuuri finds himself briefly mesmerized by a drop of sweat gathering on the swell of Victor’s pectorals, but with a great effort he hauls his thoughts out of the gutter and tries to compose himself. This is made substantially more difficult by the fact that Victor still smells good enough to eat.

“Yuuri,” Victor breathes. He’s staring at Yuuri intently, and Yuuri feels the weight of his gaze like a physical caress as he finally makes eye contact. 

“Victor. How, um, how are you feeling?” he asks, and then immediately mentally berates himself because, _really? Of all the stupid questions_...

Victor runs a hand distractedly through his hair and sucks in a deep breath. “I’m feeling… frustrated,” he says, in a low growl that sends a bolt of need right through Yuuri’s gut.

“Um, r-right. That’s understandable I guess,” Yuuri stutters. “Well I brought you some soup that my mom made…” He tentatively offers the bowl towards Victor, who eyes it skeptically.

“I’m not hungry right now,” he says with a huff. “I don’t need food, I need--”

“You should try to eat it anyways!” Yuuri practically shoves the soup into Victor’s hands, cutting him off mid-sentence.

It’s perfectly obvious what Victor needs, but Yuuri can’t think about that right now. He can’t think about that, because if he does… oh god, he can feel his body responding already. Just Victor’s smell and proximity is enough to have him swelling in his track pants. Worse, he can feel himself getting wet. _Oh, this is bad._

He can tell the instant the smell of his own arousal must reach Victor, because the other man sucks in a sharp breath and his pupils blow even wider. He takes a seemingly involuntary step towards Yuuri, bringing his tantalizing scent even closer. In fact, Yuuri realizes with another rush of arousal, Victor’s scent is getting stronger _in reaction to Yuuri_. And there’s no mistaking the hunger in Victor’s eyes as his gaze roves over Yuuri’s face. 

For a moment they just stand there like that, tension thick in the air. Yuuri wants nothing more than to close the distance between them. He wants to knock the soup bowl out of Victor’s grasp, put his hands all over that deliciously flushed chest, and kiss Victor until they can barely breathe. He wants to push Victor back into his room, lay him down on the bed, pull down his sweatpants, and push his fingers, his tongue, his cock into the sweet wet heat of his body. And he knows, suddenly, that Victor would let him. That Victor _wants him to_. It’s written all over his face, in the hitching of his breath, in the way he sways towards Yuuri as if drawn by a magnet.

“ _Yuuri_ ,” Victor exhales on a groan, extending his hand not holding the soup out to touch Yuuri’s cheek. The sudden contact momentarily startles Yuuri out of his lust-induced fog, bringing him back to the reality of the situation. 

And the reality is that Victor is in heat and Yuuri is perilously close to taking advantage of him. God, what is he thinking? Victor is in _heat_ , and is attracted to omegas, and Yuuri just showed up at his door in sweaty practice clothes. Of course Victor is going to react to that, but it doesn’t mean that he would want Yuuri if his head was clear. Yuuri is a terrible friend and student for even thinking about it.

Yuuri yanks himself forcefully away from Victor’s touch. “I’m sorry. Sorry, so sorry,” he gasps, shaking his head and backing away. “I have to… I’ll go now. S-sorry!” He’s stumbling over his words and his feet as he scrambles to put space between them.

Victor’s expression is surprised, quickly morphing into hurt. “Yuuri, wait, don’t… Yuuri, don’t go!” he calls out. 

But Yuuri is already hastily retreating back down the hallway, into his own room. He has one final glimpse of Victor before he closes his door: he’s standing in the hallway, shoulders hunched in on themselves, clutching his soup with shaking hands.

 

**********************

 

Yuuri refuses to give in to the temptation to get himself off after his encounter with Victor, instead taking a long cold shower. He stands under the freezing water until he can no longer control his shivering, and continues to shake even after he gets out and crawls into bed. 

He can’t control his dreams that night, however. In them, he’s skating Eros alone in a darkened rink, strange shadows filling the murky air around him. He can feel eyes on him and hear a second set of blades on the ice, as if someone is skating right behind him, copying his movements just out of his range of vision. When the routine ends and he wraps his arms around himself in his final pose, he feels a second pair of arms come out of the darkness and wrap around him from behind, warm and tight. There’s a gust of breath on his neck and his nose is suddenly filled with Victor’s sweet heat scent, and he gasps and turns around in the encircling arms and then-

-he’s in bed with Victor, pressing him down against his ridiculously large mattress. They’re both nude, rutting frantically against each other. Victor is begging him, _please Yuuri please_ , and then Yuuri’s pushing into him. He’s surrounded by the heat of Victor’s body, his scent, his arms, and he’s looking into Victor’s eyes and shaking and coming apart and-

-Yuuri wakes suddenly as his orgasm jolts through him, gasping and clenching and coming in his pajama pants like a teenager. Or like _he’s_ the one in heat, he thinks, squirming and feeling the slick moisture gathered between his thighs. For a minute he just lays there, breaths gradually slowing, embarrassment and guilt coursing through him in a thick tide.

It’s true that he has occasionally in the past gotten off while thinking of Victor. But that was back when Victor was a cool, untouchable face on his walls. Even at the time he had felt slightly weird about it, and he had resolutely done his best to squash any such fantasies after Victor had come to stay. This had resulted in a noticeable drop in how frequently he masturbated, since images of Victor seemed to pop into his head with an alarming regularity whenever he started to try to relieve some tension in that way. It’s perhaps no wonder that his mounting frustration had found an outlet in his sleep, especially considering the circumstances of Victor’s heat. 

Yuuri eventually rolls out of bed with a groan, and stumbles out of his damp pants and into a new pair. He still feels somewhat gross as he climbs back in bed, a feeling of shame clinging to him like a thin film. How is he supposed to interact normally again with Victor after all this? Even without witnessing his lurid dreams, Victor surely knows by now that Yuuri is attracted to him. Will it make their coaching relationship awkward? Yuuri doesn’t see how it possibly couldn’t, and he wants to curse himself for potentially ruining the easy camaraderie that was finally beginning to develop between the two of them.

With his thoughts roiling, sleep is difficult to find again after that. He tosses and turns, and when the screeching of his alarm finally wakes him from a light doze in the morning he feels as though he’s hardly slept at all. 

 

******************

 

The next day, Yuuri refuses to even go near Victor’s room. He scuttles out of the house for his morning run bright and early, gobbles down a quick breakfast, and then makes his way to the rink. He spends most of the day there, either on the ice or doing strength training and stretching in an attached training room. Later, he eats a dinner of protein bars and heads to Minako’s studio. She’s used to his late-night visits, merely sighing and leaving him the studio key for the night. He dances in the empty studio for several hours, losing himself in the music and an increasingly exhausted fugue.

When he finally gets back to the onsen, it’s a little after midnight. He stumbles tiredly into the kitchen in search of food, and discovers that his mother has left him some dinner in a covered bowl on the counter. With it is a note, saying she brought Victor some dinner earlier. Yuuri squashes down the inevitable sensation of guilt for the fact that his mother had to help Victor because he was too embarrassed to do it himself. He gobbles down his own dinner without bothering to heat it up, and trudges upstairs to get ready for bed. His footsteps on the creaking stairs echo loudly in the empty onsen.

When he reaches the upper floor, he looks towards Victor’s room for a moment and then does a double-take: Victor’s door is standing open. Tiredness forgotten and suddenly worried, he hurries over and looks in. 

The room is empty.

Victor’s scent still lingers in the air, and the bed blankets are a mess, most of them thrown on the floor. Makkachin is nowhere to be seen either, and Yuuri begins to feel uneasy. Once an omega is in heat, they virtually _never_ want to leave the immediate area or room they’ve settled in. But maybe Victor is just in the bathroom? He checks the bathroom down the hall, but no one is there either, and now Yuuri is starting to really feel worried. His mother already brought Victor dinner, so it seems extremely unlikely that he’d choose to voluntarily leave his room at the moment. 

Yuuri stands in the hallway for a moment, struggling to think through the dark wave of panic threatening to overtake rational thought. It seems unlikely that a guest would have been able to get to Victor all the way back here in the private family quarters. Even if someone had somehow accidentally found their way back here, they wouldn’t be likely to have noticed Victor’s heat with his door shut. An omega’s heat scent is very potent up close, but doesn’t generally carry too far. 

But, what if Victor had been in the hallway for some reason, maybe coming back from the bathroom? What if someone had waylaid him, _hurt_ him? But no, surely Yuuri’s family would have heard any commotion, especially with Makkachin rarely leaving Victor’s side. With these thoughts swirling through his head, Yuuri finally notices that his own bedroom door is slightly ajar. There is a light on in there as well, spilling softly out into the hallway. He hurries toward his room, then pauses for a moment before tentatively pushing his door further open and stepping in. 

The sight that greets him is arresting.

Victor is curled up in Yuuri’s bed, asleep. He has a blanket draped over his legs and waist, but is otherwise bare, skin glowing softly in the warm light of the bedside lamp. His silver hair is fanned out across the pillowcase, a bright starburst against the dark fabric. Yuuri hears a snuffling noise, and sees that Makkachin is curled up in a corner of the room, also asleep. 

Victor is clutching something soft and dark next to his face, and Yuuri draws in a sharp breath when he realizes that it’s the pajama pants he himself was wearing last night. Not the clean ones he’d put on after he woke from his dream, but the dirty ones he’d been wearing when he’d… well.

His intrusion wakes Victor, who yawns widely and blinks sleepily for a second before suddenly sitting bolt upright in bed, staring at Yuuri with wide eyes. His hair is adorably mussed, and the blanket slips off, revealing him to be fully nude. Yuuri gulps, frozen in place, as he is once more engulfed in Victor’s heavenly scent. 

“Yuuri,” Victor says blearily, “you came back.” He has a small, slightly dopey smile on his face.

“No, I- you’re in my room!” This comes out in a significantly more accusatory tone than Yuuri had intended, but he’s so blindsided by Victor’s sudden naked appearance in his bed that he can hardly think.

Victor blinks and looks around himself, as if just realizing where he is. “Oh. I guess I am. I didn’t really think, I just… followed your scent.” He’s starting to look a little embarrassed now, a touch of brighter red staining his already heat-flushed cheeks. “I was so uncomfortable and I couldn’t sleep. But now you’re here, you’ll take care of me right?” he says hopefully. He sounds _way_ more out of it than he was yesterday. His heat must be right at its peak.

“Ahhhh…” This is the only response Yuuri is capable of making, because at that moment Victor starts running a hand down his own body, caressing a nipple and then running his fingers through the sheen of sweat on his abdomen and across his hip. As he reaches between his legs, Yuuri sees that he’s hard. 

“I’ve been waiting all day for you, but I can’t wait anymore. I need you... _please_. I know I’m not wrong now, I know you want me too. And you can have me, God, _please have me_ ,” Victor pleads, practically whining. He’s stroking himself now, and spreading his legs a little so that Yuuri can just see the wet clench of his hole. It’s like every one of Yuuri’s most embarrassing masturbatory fantasies come straight to life. 

In this moment, Yuuri wants Victor so badly that it’s a physical ache, deep in his chest and pelvis. But he knows, _he knows_ , that despite Victor’s words this is a line he cannot cross without having gotten Victor's consent before he was in heat. He has to do the right thing, and he can’t just run out of the room this time either, not with Victor so desperate and upset.

“Tell me you want me too, Yuuri. You do, right?” Victor asks.

Yuuri steels himself, then steps towards Victor, who groans and reaches for him. But Yuuri gently catches his hands and holds them away from himself. Victor whimpers. This is so incredibly difficult, but Yuuri knows what he needs to do. He meets Victor’s anxious eyes, sees the longing written so clearly on his sweat-dampened face. Yuuri intends to deny his desire, but somehow when faced with Victor’s desperate expression the truth comes spilling out instead.

“God, Victor, _of course_ I want you. I’d be crazy not to want you. You’re beautiful and… and perfect. But you don’t want _me_.”

Victor starts shaking his head wildly, trying to say something, but Yuuri cuts him off.

“ _No_ , it's just because of your heat. And I would never take advantage of you like this. Please, you have to understand.” Yuuri fears he sounds nearly as desperate as Victor now.

“But Yuuri, I _do_ want you. I really, really want you,” Victor says, clutching at Yuuri’s hands. “I have ever since we danced together, I thought it was so obvious. You must know.” Tears are starting to form in the corners of Victor’s eyes. “You must _know_.”

Yuuri shakes his head, firmly pushing off Victor’s hands. He grabs the fallen blanket and pulls it back up over Victor’s body. He has no idea what Victor’s talking about, but he’s half out of his mind in heat, so who can tell? And it’s precisely because Victor is out of his mind in heat that Yuuri has to do what he does.

He steps back from Victor, taking one last deep breath of his scent. He’s sure Victor will never let him so close again, so he savors it for one last moment while he can. Then he turns for the door.

“I’m so sorry Victor. I know how you feel right now- I’ve _been_ there. But I can’t do what you’re asking me to. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us,” he says with finality. “You can stay in my room tonight though, if you want.”

Victor doesn’t respond, just chokes out a sob, tears now falling freely from his eyes as he clutches the blanket to his chest.

“I’m sorry… for everything,” Yuuri says. 

Then he tears his eyes away from the amazing, beautiful, tempting, crying man in his bed and runs out the door. He runs out of the onsen, down the street, and doesn’t stop until he’s knocking on Minako’s door, tears running down his own face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh... sorry for the angst! It will get better.
> 
> Next chapter: a much needed conversation
> 
> celardor12.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

Amazingly enough, Minako doesn’t press Yuuri about what happened to send him running to her apartment in tears at one in the morning. She just runs him a bath, makes up a bed for him on her couch, and then leaves him be. 

Yuuri curls up on the couch in a ball of pure misery, unable to sleep or escape his racing thoughts. 

_This is it_ , he thinks. _This is the end. Victor won’t even want to look at me now, let alone coach me. He’s going to pack his things and go back to Russia, and I’ll just… never see him again._

Yuuri will never again get to hear Victor’s bright laughter, or hold his ice pack for him, or feel the weight of his hands on his hips when he corrects his form. Victor will vanish just as suddenly as he arrived, and everything will go back to normal. Except… it won’t, because Victor will leave a huge, gaping, Victor-sized hole in Yuuri’s heart. Yuuri knew this would have to happen eventually, but he’d thought he’d have more time first. He’s not _ready_ to let Victor go yet.

Yuuri lies awake stewing in his misery until he finally drifts off around 4 am. Minako must decide not to disturb him, because when he wakes up it’s nearly noon, and she’s gone to the studio already, leaving behind a note that says Yuuri can stay as long as he likes. It’s tempting to just remain curled up on her couch all day, but Yuuri knows he has to eventually face reality. Victor’s heat has probably broken by now, and he should talk to him sooner rather than later. Like ripping off a bandaid: better to get it over with. 

It takes a great force of willpower, but Yuuri manages to pull himself off the couch, freshen up in the bathroom, and then make his way home. Every step he takes towards the onsen and his inevitable confrontation with Victor seems heavier than the last. It feels like his heart has been replaced by a lump of lead in his chest. The weather seems to be echoing his mood: dark clouds billow on the horizon, and the air tastes like the promise of rain.

When he arrives at the onsen at last, he almost immediately runs into Mari. 

“If you’re looking for Victor, he just left to walk Makkachin,” she says. “I think he said he was going to the beach.” She squints at Yuuri’s face. He must look a mess, because she says “Are you OK? Where have you been all morning?”

“I’m fine, I was just out. I’m going to go find Victor.” Yuuri can’t talk to her about this right now. How is he going to explain to his family why Victor is leaving? He turns before she can say anything else, and sets off for the beach. It’s probably for the best that Victor went out: that way, they can have this conversation without having to worry that Yuuri’s family might overhear.

It doesn’t take long to find Victor. He’s sitting on a low wall, watching Makkachin chase the seagulls. For a moment, Yuuri can’t seem to take even one step closer to him. He wishes with all his might that he could travel backwards in time and erase the last 24 hours. He wishes he had never come back to the onsen last night, that he had never seen Victor in his bed, that they could both pretend nothing had happened and let everything go back to normal between them. But that’s impossible, so he grimly screws up his courage and walks towards him.

Victor looks up at his approach. His eyes are red-rimmed, and he actually flinches a little when he sees Yuuri. It hurts. It hurts _so much_.

“Yuuri,” he says.

There’s a moment of silence where they both avoid each others’ eyes. Then Victor takes a deep breath and says, “Why don’t you sit down? We should talk.”

Helpless to do anything else, Yuuri complies, leaving at least a foot of space between them as he sits gingerly down on the wall. He doesn’t know what to say, although he’s pretty sure that an apology is the best place to start. But Victor beats him to it.

“Yuuri I’m so, so sorry for last night,” he says, staring down at his hands, which are clenched in his lap. “It’s been a long time since I had a heat and I… guess I forgot how out of control I get. I should have stayed at a hotel, like you suggested.” His expression is pained as he finally meets Yuuri’s eyes. He takes a deep breath, as if steeling himself. “I know you made it perfectly clear that you weren’t interested in pursuing anything when you didn’t call back in December. I should never have assumed that just because you changed your mind about me coaching you, you had changed your mind about anything else between us. I would completely understand if you don’t want me to stay on as your coach after this. But, if there’s any possibility that you’re willing to give me a third chance, I promise to respect your boundaries from here on out.” The words sound almost rehearsed, like Victor had practiced what he was going to say. He looks utterly miserable.

Yuuri just stares at him in confusion. This is… not what he was expecting. He understands all the words coming out of Victor’s mouth, but they don’t make any _sense_.

“I don’t understand,” he says. “Why would I have called you back in _December?_ ”

He didn’t think Victor could look any more miserable. He was wrong. Victor’s face absolutely crumples. 

“Wow, OK. I guess that answers that, huh? I’ll just… start packing up my stuff then. It may take me a couple days to find a flight but I’ll see what I can do...”

Yuuri is, if possible, even more confused. _That answers that? That answers nothing!_ He tries to sort through Victor’s words, to see if there is any logic there he can follow, and his thoughts stick on one phrase. Victor starts to stand, but Yuuri reaches out unthinkingly to grab his wrist. 

“Wait! Victor, wait,” he says desperately. Victor blinks in surprise. “What do you mean, a _third_ chance?”

“I meant… I know I somehow blew it with you in Sochi, and now again. I can’t seem to get it right.” He laughs bitterly, but doesn’t try to pull away from Yuuri’s increasingly tight grip on his wrist. “I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to talk about that night.”

His response leaves Yuuri even more confused. “What night? What do you mean, you blew it in Sochi?” Is he referring to when he asked Yuuri if he wanted a commemorative photo? He had assumed Victor didn’t even remember that brief interaction.

But Victor is now looking distinctly uneasy. “I mean… the banquet?”

Yuuri blinks. “The banquet? But I didn’t even have the courage to speak to you…”

Victor’s eyes go almost comically wide. He suddenly grips Yuuri’s hand. “What!? Yuuri, are you saying you don’t remember?” he asks desperately.

Yuuri is still so, so terribly confused. “I… remember getting drunk at the banquet in a corner, and then stumbling back to my room?”

Victor’s mouth goes slack. He sits down again abruptly, like a puppet with its strings cut. “Oh my god,” he says, slowly and wonderingly. “Oh my god, you actually don’t remember at all. And all this time I thought…”

“Remember _what?_ ” But even as he asks it, a suspicion is already forming in Yuuri’s mind. He loses all inhibitions when he drinks... and he was blackout drunk at the banquet. 

Victor looks at him almost hesitantly, and then gets out his phone. “Maybe it’s better if I just show you.” 

He pulls open a photo album, and passes his phone to Yuuri wordlessly. Hands shaking, Yuuri takes it and starts to scroll through the pictures. He cringes at the first few, which are as he feared: his own face grins at the camera, bright red, drunk, and sloppy. There’s pictures of him break dancing, with Yurio of all people, and then a truly mortifying series of him pole-dancing with Chris, practically naked. Good god, this is even worse than he thought it would be.

But then there’s a picture of him and Victor, clearly taken by someone else, and Yuuri is momentarily shocked out of his embarrassment. They’re dancing together. There’s a whole series of photos, and he and Victor get closer and closer as he scrolls through them, until he’s dipping Victor. His hand is gripping Victor’s thigh and their noses are practically touching. What he can’t tear his eyes away from, however, are the expressions on their faces. They both look incandescently happy; Victor is smiling like the sun, as gorgeous and delighted as Yuuri has ever seen him.

Finally, everything clicks into place.

“When I got here, I thought that maybe you regretted that night. That you didn’t want to talk about it. I left you a note with my number in your pocket before you went up to bed, but you never called,” Victor says quietly.

“I... just had no idea that night had happened at all. I never found the note- I didn’t even know to look for it.” Yuuri drags his gaze away from the screen and looks up. The Victor sitting next to him is a stark contrast to the Victor in the picture: this Victor still looks sad and hesitant, that beautiful smile hidden behind a cloud of what Yuuri is finally realizing is self-doubt and embarrassment. “Victor, I’m so sorry!” he gasps. “You must have thought I was the world’s worst tease.”

“No, I just thought that… obviously that night hadn’t meant to you what it did to me.”

Yuuri puts the phone down and grips Victor’s hand again with newfound boldness. “Victor, no. I can assure you that if I hadn’t been so drunk that night would be one of the best memories of my life. I can’t believe I forgot it.” He wishes desperately that he could remember, that it was not lost to him in a black hole of alcoholic fog. “And wait… last night, when you said that you had wanted me since we danced together... _this_ is what you were talking about?”

Victor cringes at the mention of his heat, and nods. “I really am sorry about last night. I can’t believe I actually got into your bed and... god, it’s so embarrassing.” He’s looking down at his lap again, avoiding Yuuri’s eyes.

Yuuri swallows, and squeezes Victor’s hand. “You know...” he says tentatively, “I meant what I said last night. I did, _I do_... want you.” 

Victor’s head jerks up, fear and hope warring on his face. 

“I just didn’t think you actually wanted me back,” Yuuri concludes with a rueful smile. 

Victor smiles in response, and it’s the most beautiful thing Yuuri’s ever seen. Hesitant and disbelieving at first, and then breaking out into a wondering grin. “Of _course_ I want you back. Dancing with you that night… it was magical, Yuuri. I had been in such a slump, with my skating and everything else. I didn’t even realize how grey and flat my life had gotten until you asked me to dance and I suddenly felt like I was starting to see in color again. It seemed like such a crazy idea at first, when you asked me to coach you. But being here with you in Hasetsu, it’s the happiest I’ve been in years.”

Yuuri stares at him in wonder. “I asked you to coach me?”

“Yeah. You had no pants on, and you grabbed me and said ‘Be my coach Victor!’.”

“Uh. Wow. I feel like I should apologize but… I guess if it brought you here, then I’m not really all that sorry?”

Victor’s smile is blinding. “Definitely don’t apologize. You were amazing.” His smile softens. “You _are_ amazing.”

Yuuri reaches up to lay his hand on Victor’s cheek, and Victor melts into the touch with a sigh. “This is the happiest I’ve been in a long time too,” Yuuri admits. “And not just because you coaching me is a dream come true. But because I’ve gotten to know you, _really_ know you.” He’s not sure that the words do justice to his emotions, but some of what he’s feeling must get across, based on Victor’s expression.

Another thought occurs to Yuuri. “That night, we… just danced? And talked? We didn’t…”

Victor laughs. “Yes, that’s all. I wanted very much to kiss you, but you were _very_ drunk. I thought it could wait, that I would get another chance.” He looks up at Yuuri through his lashes. “I’ve been waiting all this time.”

Yuuri’s heart feels like it could burst, and Victor is looking at him with such aching hope in his eyes that suddenly it’s the most natural thing to lean forward and kiss him. It’s sweet and brief, just a gentle press of lips, but in that moment it is everything. 

When Yuuri pulls back, Victor has a disbelieving smile on his face that Yuuri imagines is mirrored on his own. Then Victor’s grins stretches even wider and he leans in to bring their mouths together again. This kiss also starts out soft, but it quickly grows more heated as they press closer together, both craving contact after the desperation and emotions of the last few days. Victor opens his mouth in invitation, and Yuuri sighs as their tongues meet. He moves his hand from Victor’s cheek to his neck, feels Victor clutch at his waist. Every new touch between them sends sparks thrilling through Yuuri. He presses into the warmth of Victor’s mouth and still wants to get closer. He wants to get as close as two people can be.

When they finally pull apart to draw breath, both grinning like fools, the first droplets of rain hit them. Yuuri blinks in surprise; he had been so caught up in their conversation he hadn’t even noticed the clouds gathering and condensing overhead. He leans his forehead against Victor’s for a moment, breathing in his scent mixed with the smell of rain and wet earth as the raindrops become a steady patter around them. Yuuri would be content to just sit here kissing Victor until they’re soaked, but it seems Makkachin has other ideas. She plants herself in front of them and barks imperiously.

Victor chuckles. “I think she wants us to head back.”

“She’s probably right. It looks like it’s going to really come down,” Yuuri agrees.

As if to emphasize his observation, there’s a sudden thunderclap from overhead that makes all three of them jump. 

Victor stands up and holds out his hand. “Shall we then?” 

Yuuri, grinning, nods and takes his hand just as it starts really pouring in earnest.

Neither of them thought to bring an umbrella, so they run pell-mell back to the onsen, Makkachin bounding along beside them. The rain is truly torrential, dark thunderclouds utterly drenching them in a matter of minutes, but Yuuri absolutely could not care less. He clutches Victor’s hand in his the entire way, both of them holding on like nothing could tear them apart. They don’t try to talk over the thrumming rain, but they can’t seem to stop smiling at each other. Every time their eyes meet they both break out into matching grins. By the time they finally duck into the entrance of the onsen, soaked to the bone and panting from exertion, Yuuri feels positively giddy. 

Mari is there doing some cleaning, and she pauses as they enter. She raises an eyebrow, though whether it’s at the puddles they’re rapidly spreading across the floor or at the way they are still clutching at each others’ hands, Yuuri’s not sure. Makkachin takes the opportunity to start shaking off, spraying even more water everywhere. Victor and Yuuri both yelp and flinch back, pulling apart from each other.

“Makkachin!” Mari calls. “You’re making quite a mess. Come here and let me towel you off properly.”

Makkachin bounds over to her happily- the two of them have formed a bond over the past few weeks, primarily revolving around Mari’s willingness to sneak Makkachin treats. She clucks over the state of the wet dog, beckoning her to follow her towards the linen closet in search of towels. Makkachin happily follows her out of the room, probably hoping for more treats. Mari casts a knowing grin over her shoulder at Victor and Yuuri as they exit.

“Well. We should probably go dry off too,” Victor says, looking bemusedly down at the mess they’re leaving on the floor. 

Yuuri agrees, and they make their way back into the family quarters and up the stairs, leaving a trail of damp footprints as they go. This part of the onsen is quiet- the only sounds are the hiss of the rain on the roof and the dripping of water from their clothing. They don’t speak, neither of them ready to break the silence that’s descended in the wake of their mad dash through the rain. When they reach their shared hallway upstairs, Yuuri hesitates. Victor is flushed from running, his shirt and jeans so wet they look plastered to his body. Yuuri very much wants to pick up where they left off on the beach, but he’s still unsure of how far Victor wants to take things right away.

Victor just looks softly into his eyes for a moment, then pads over to his room. He pauses at the threshold, then beckons Yuuri to follow him in with a small tilt of his head, leaving the door open behind him. Yuuri takes a deep breath and follows, deliberately shutting the door of Victor’s room behind them.

Victor looks up with a smile at the sound of the door closing. He’s found a towel, and is running it over his damp hair, which is frizzing in the humidity. He throws the towel over his shoulder, and beckons Yuuri towards him. “Come here. You’re soaked, _dorogoy_.”

Yuuri laughs. “So are you.”

But he comes, and allows Victor to gently towel off his hair as well. After a minute, Victor drops the towel on the floor and just runs his hands through the damp strands. The scratch of his fingers on Yuuri’s scalp somehow feels like the most intimate of touches they’ve shared yet, and Yuuri shivers at the sensation- both soothing and electrifying at the same time. 

For a moment they just stay like that, leaning into each other and listening to the patter of the rain. Even though it’s the middle of the afternoon, the dark storm outside casts the room in cool shadows, and the water running down the large windows creates an ever-moving backdrop. Yuuri feels like they’ve stepped into a liminal space, safe and protected from the outside world. 

He tilts his head up and presses a gentle kiss to Victor’s mouth, still amazed that such an action is welcome. “What do you want?” he asks.

Victor’s gaze is heated. “You. Only you.” 

Yuuri groans, and brings their lips together again, more forcefully this time. Victor’s hands are under his shirt, clutching the damp skin of Yuuri’s lower back as they trade hot open-mouthed kisses. Yuuri traces his hands over Victor’s chest. His shirt is so wet that it’s clinging to his skin, and he can feel the hard pebbles of Victor’s nipples standing up beneath the fabric. Victor whines when he runs his thumb over one. Yuuri is shivering in his own damp clothes, but every point of contact with Victor sends heat pulsing through him. He wants to warm himself in the furnace of Victor’s body.

Pressed close to him like this, Yuuri is inundated with Victor’s smell. It’s not as thick and sweet as it was during his heat, but it’s still similar- still Victor. Yuuri tucks his head into the crook of Victor’s neck and inhales deeply, Victor’s hands stroking over his back. 

“Let’s get you out of these wet things, hm?” Victor murmurs into his ear. “I can’t let my student catch a cold, after all.”

Yuuri laughs, and reluctantly pulls away from Victor’s neck for a moment to let Victor tug his shirt up and over his head. Then it’s Victor’s turn to nuzzle his nose into Yuuri’s neck, taking deep breaths. Victor’s scenting of him soon turns into a series of kisses pressed to Yuuri’s skin, setting fire to the sensitive nerve endings there and making Yuuri tremble. 

“By that logic, we should get you out of your clothes too,” he says.

‘Mm, you have a point.” Victor halts his mapping of Yuuri’s neck with his mouth, allowing Yuuri to pull his shirt over his head. It’s a little difficult because it’s so soaked through, and by the time they get it off Victor’s hair is sticking up at a ridiculous angle. Yuuri grins at him fondly and smooths it down, allowing himself to take a moment to appreciate the feel of the silky strands between his fingers. Victor leans into the touch, and Yuuri runs his hands wonderingly across the expanse of newly exposed skin before him. He traces the long tendon of Victor’s neck, the curve of his clavicle, then across the swell of his pectorals and down the perfect line of his abs. Victor’s breath stutters at his touch, and it hits Yuuri again that Victor’s been wanting this as much as he has.

As if reading his thoughts, Victor says, “I can’t believe I finally get to touch you like this. All those baths in the onsen, and I was trying so hard not to look too much, not to be too obvious.” He’s running his hands over Yuuri’s back, tracing random patterns against his skin.

Yuuri huffs in disbelief. “You were the once prancing around half-naked all the time. The first time you wore that jinbei, the way you let it fall open… god, it was all I could do not to constantly stare at your nipples.” He runs his thumb over one of the nipples in question, and Victor groans. “You were so tempting, you have no idea.”

Victor smirks. “Well, I have some idea. I _was_ doing my best to seduce you, after all.”

They look at each other for a moment, and then burst into giddy laughter simultaneously. _How utterly ridiculous we’ve both been_ , Yuuri thinks. They cling to each other as they laugh, bodies quivering and noses bumping.

“What a pair we are,” Victor says. 

“Mhm.” Yuuri smiles fondly, giggles gradually subsiding, and leans up to kiss him again.

The kiss becomes heated quickly, and soon they’re gasping against each other’s mouths. Victor’s hands slip from Yuuri’s lower back to his ass, pulling their bodies flush against each other. Yuuri sucks in a deep breath, tasting the scent of Victor’s arousal in the air. He can feel Victor’s hardness through his pants, pressing against his own. He thinks about Victor getting wet, and suddenly feels very desperate.

He brings his hands to the opening to Victor’s pants. “Is this OK?” he asks, breathlessly. “Do you want-”

“God yes, so OK,” Victor cuts him off, fingers clenching in the material of Yuuri’s pants.

Victor’s desperation gives Yuuri the confidence he needs to unbutton his jeans, then help him shuck off both pants and underwear. Now fully nude, Victor pulls away and takes a couple steps back to sit on his bed, looking up at him expectantly.

Yuuri can’t help but take a moment to just appreciate the view. He’s seen Victor naked before, of course, but never like this. Now he’s allowed to look his fill, and he does, drinking him in. He lets his eyes rove from Victor’s slightly flushed chest, breaths coming quickly and nipples peaked, to the soft trail of hair leading down the V of his hips, to his hard cock. It’s beautiful.

“Now you,” Victor says, breaking his reverie. 

“What?” Yuuri says intelligently.

Victor chuckles softly. “Your pants. Do you need help?”

Yuuri blushes a little, but reaches down to pull his own pants off. He’s not sure that it’s possible to look sexy while awkwardly tugging off a pair of soaking wet jeans, but when he finally gets them and his underwear off Victor looks blown away anyhow. He holds out his arms, and Yuuri falls into them gratefully.

Pressing Victor down into the bed, Yuuri is overwhelmed by the sudden amount of skin on skin contact. Victor’s body is spread out below him like the most beautiful landscape, and Yuuri wants to chart every one of its valleys and peaks. He starts by kissing Victor again and, remembering his earlier responses, rolls each of Victor’s nipples between his fingers. Victor moans breathily, then gasps and arches up against him when Yuuri leans down to put his mouth on one and sucks. 

He continues to pepper lingering kisses over his chest. “God, Victor, you have no idea what it was like when you were in heat,” he moans. “The way you _smelled_. And then to see you in my bed, touching yourself. It took everything to make myself leave that room.”

“I wanted you so badly,” Victor gasps. “I’ve never had such an intense heat before, never reacted that way. I was so desperate...I felt completely out of control, it was _awful_.”

He looks pained, and Yuuri pulls off his chest to kiss his face and mouth over and over again, as if to soothe away the unhappy memories. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you needed. I wanted to, so much. But I didn’t want to take advantage.”

Victor looks at him intently. “I know, I understand.” Then he quirks his eyebrow. “But you can give it to me now.”

“Yes,” Yuuri says breathlessly. “ _Yes_.” His kisses turn more frantic, and then he reaches down between them to finally wrap his hand around Victor’s cock. Victor cries out, digging his fingers into Yuuri’s ass. He thrusts up to meet the strokes of Yuuri’s hand over his length, while his fingers slip down between Yuuri’s cheeks to press at his entrance. Yuuri huffs out a breath and arches into the sensation, body lighting up in pleasure as Victor strokes through the gathering wetness there. After a moment, Victor pulls his fingers back and sucks them into his mouth, sighing in satisfaction.

The sight of Victor’s tongue curling around his fingers, eyes closing in pleasure at the taste of Yuuri’s slick, sends a bolt of need straight to Yuuri’s groin. He wants more, and starts to reach between Victor’s legs. He pauses, though, when something occurs to him that he really should have thought of before. “Wait a second, you said you’ve never spent a heat with anyone. But outside of heat…”

Victor opens his eyes and chuckles at Yuuri’s concerned expression. “I’m not a virgin, no, if that’s what you’re asking. But…” He looks hesitant for a moment. “I haven’t had a ton of partners, either.”

“Oh.” A couple weeks ago, Yuuri’s mind would have boggled at the possibility that Victor might have less sexual experience than him. In the few fantasies he’d allowed himself before he’d actually met him, he’d always imagined Victor as suave and knowledgeable. He’d touched himself furtively, alone in his room at night, imagining the older omega instructing him in the ways of pleasure. Now, with the real flesh-and-blood Victor looking up at him, Yuuri can appreciate how different the reality is from the fantasy, and how much more wonderful. Victor’s expression is open, almost vulnerable. He hasn’t said it in as many words, but it’s increasingly clear just how lonely he was, prior to coming to Hasetsu. Yuuri wants nothing more in the world than to erase that loneliness. He wants to fill Victor up, literally and metaphorically. 

“That’s OK,” he says. “Just… let me know if you don’t like anything, or if there’s something you want.”

Victor smiles and quirks an eyebrow. “Well, in that case, you should know that I _really_ like oral. Giving and receiving.” 

Yuuri swallows. “Oh, yeah? I think I can work with that.”

He kisses his way down Victor’s chest, then traces down the line of his abs with his tongue. Victor’s abdominal muscles are a thing of beauty- Yuuri could probably spend hours outlining them with his mouth, but Victor squirms impatiently and he takes the hint to continue, dropping kisses along the inside of his thigh. When he finally gets his mouth on Victor’s cock, they both moan. Victor reaches down to trace his fingers over Yuuri’s cheek, feeling gently where his length disappears between Yuuri’s lips, a look of wonder on his face. Yuuri gets a hand beneath Victor’s hips, palming his ass and then stroking up between his cheeks. He pulls off of Victor’s cock, wanting to get a better view, and Victor obliges by bending his knees back against his chest, spreading himself out before Yuuri. 

Yuuri sucks in a breath at the sight of Victor with his legs splayed open, then dives in. The first touch of his tongue to Victor’s hole has Victor gasping, and his entrance flutters and drips as Yuuri traces its rim. He’s so wet already, and Yuuri loves the sweet musky taste of him. His smell is so intense here, Yuuri thinks he could gladly lay between his legs all day, just breathing him in. He pushes his tongue into the pink furl of his opening and feels Victor clench and quiver around him. Reaching up, he gets one hand around Victor’s cock to stroke him as he fucks him with his tongue, building up a steady rhythm that soon has Victor panting. He can feel the tension steadily mounting in Victor’s body; the way his fingers twist in the sheets, his legs shaking, choked gasps becoming full-throated cries of pleasure.

“Yuuri… oh god, I’m going to come, I’m going to- ” he keens.

Yuuri moans, pressing his tongue as deep as he can. He can feel the moment Victor’s pleasure reaches its peak in the rhythmic clenching around him, the sudden spurt of fluid between his fingers. He fucks Victor through it, then pulls back, peppering his twitching entrance with open-mouthed kisses until Victor squirms in overstimulation.

Finally he pulls away and drags himself up the bed to cradle Victor in his arms. Yuuri is desperately turned-on, hard and wet, but is perfectly willing to ignore his own needs in favor of holding Victor while he recovers. 

Victor nuzzles against Yuuri’s chest. “Wow. That… was amazing,” he says when he’s finally caught his breath. “Although, I’m sorry I didn’t last very long.” He sighs. “You know, I came so many times while I was in heat- but it was never enough, never really satisfying. I guess I was still on edge from all that.”

“Don’t apologize,” Yuuri says firmly. “You were beautiful. I… I loved it.”

Victor looks up at him with a fond smile. Then he gets a playful glint in his eye. “But now I think I should return the favor, hm?” 

“If you want, that would be-” Yuuri yelps as Victor suddenly flips them over. 

“Oh, I _want_ ,” he says with lascivious grin, before pouncing.

Victor doesn’t waste time teasing Yuuri, which is probably just as well since Yuuri is already pretty wound up just from eating him out. Victor may not have had many partners, but he sucks Yuuri’s cock with confidence nonetheless, settling into a steady rhythm. Yuuri sighs in pleasure, trying his best to hold back from thrusting up. At some point, Victor reaches down to Yuuri’s entrance and presses a finger in, making Yuuri arch up off the bed with a gasp. He’s so wet that Victor slides in with ease, and quickly adds another finger. 

Victor pulls off his cock for a moment, looking down at where his fingers are disappearing into Yuuri’s body. “When I was in heat, I couldn’t stop thinking about doing this,” he says. “I imagined how you would get wet for me, how you would feel inside- so warm and slick. I wanted you so badly.”

“I- ah! … I thought about you too. While you were in heat,” Yuuri admits, toes curling in pleasure as Victor’s clever fingers press and rub against that sweet spot inside him, sending sparks racing along his nerves.

“Oh yeah? What did you think about?”

Yuuri groans. “I thought about what you were doing- if you were fucking yourself. I thought about… about fucking you.”

Victor inhales sharply, and leans up to press his forehead against Yuuri’s. “And, do you still want to fuck me?” he asks, fingers still moving in Yuuri.

“God yes,” Yuuri gasps. “Can- can I?”

Victor kisses him, hard. “Yes. You definitely can. Hang on a sec- ”

He pulls away from Yuuri for a moment to rummage around in his bedside table, producing a box of condoms. “I have these, if you want to use them? I’ve actually been tested recently, and I haven’t been with anyone in a while, but we can if you want.”

Yuuri sits up. “Oh. Actually, I haven’t been with anyone since the last time I was tested either, so…”

Victor grins. “Well! In that case…” he tosses the box over his shoulder and crawls across the bed towards Yuuri on all fours, an almost predatory glint in his eye. He straddles Yuuri’s lap, pressing down so that Yuuri can feel his wetness along the length of his cock. 

Yuuri swallows heavily, tracing the curve of Victor’s ass with his fingers. “How do you want it?” he asks.

“I want to see your face. On my back?”

Yuuri nods, then grips Victor’s hips and rolls them over so that Victor is spread out underneath him again. He kisses him, and pushes one finger, then two, into the tight heat between his legs, marveling at how easily he opens up for him, how wet he still is. 

Victor sighs against his mouth. “I’m ready… please.”

“Ok.” Yuuri pulls his fingers out and lines himself up, trembling slightly with need and nerves. When he looks at Victor, however, the pleasure and anticipation on his face is all the reassurance he needs. He takes a deep breath and gently pushes in.

He knows right away that he won’t be able to last long. The tight clench of Victor’s body around his cock feels amazing, and Victor’s expression as he bottoms out is a study in pure satisfaction. He makes breathy little gasps as Yuuri begins to rock into him, urging him on faster with a roll of his hips. Yuuri grabs one of Victor’s hands and interlaces their fingers, leans down to press a series of messy kisses to his lips as he thrusts into him. 

Yuuri’s pleasure builds and builds with the rhythm of their bodies meeting, inexorable as the thrumming rain outside. A sudden crack of thunder is followed by a burst of lightning, limning Victor’s pale form in a momentary flash of blue light. Victor’s fingers tighten in Yuuri’s hand, and he blinks up at him in hazy adoration, gasping at each of Yuuri’s thrusts.

“Ah! Victor, I’m not sure I can last much longer like this,” Yuuri groans. “I’m sorry… you just feel... amazing.” His movements are already faltering somewhat in rhythm as he feels pleasure curling up his spine.

Victor smiles up at him. “Don’t be sorry. I want you to come in me.”

“What about you? Can you come again?” Yuuri reaches down to stroke over the renewed hardness of Victor’s cock.

Victor moans at the touch, but says, “Probably not right away. I need a little more time, especially after a heat.”

“Oh. In that case-”

“But I don’t care about that right now! I just want to feel you come,” Victor begs. “I really, _really_ want to feel you come. Please? Don’t hold back.” He clenches his inner muscles in a way that has Yuuri seeing stars. 

Yuuri wants to give Victor as much pleasure as he can, but if what Victor wants right now is for him to come… Yuuri’s thrusts pick up speed again, driving into Victor’s body with renewed intensity.

“Yes, _yes_ , just like that,” Victor groans, urging him on. He reaches up to rub at Yuuri’s dripping entrance, and presses a finger inside. The double sensation of filling and being filled is overpowering, pushing Yuuri suddenly off the precipice of his pleasure. He buries himself deep in Victor’s body, moaning into his neck as his mind whites out in bliss.

When he regains his senses a few moments later, he looks down to see Victor grinning up at him. 

“Good?” Victor asks. Yuuri can practically feel the joy and contentment radiating off the other man, and feels much the same himself. 

“More than good. _Incredible_ ,” he breathes. 

He pulls out of Victor, and flops down next to him, entwining their limbs and taking deep breaths of Victor’s scent. Victor still smells aroused, and Yuuri definitely needs to do something about that. He traces his hand over Victor’s skin, rolling up onto his elbow to bend over and kiss him. Victor returns the kiss with enthusiasm, pressing his body against Yuuri’s.

“I want… I want to make you come again,” Yuuri says between kisses. “Can I?”

“Yes, please,” Victor sighs against his lips.

“What do you need?”

“Ah… I think, your fingers. Inside.”

Yuuri obliges, kissing Victor thoroughly as he gets two and then three fingers into him. His opening is slippery with Yuuri’s come and his own slick, and Yuuri’s fingers make soft wet noises with every thrust. He presses close to Victor, kissing him until Victor is too lost to pleasure to focus on kissing back anymore and can only pant into Yuuri’s mouth. It takes longer for Victor to come this time, but Yuuri enjoys every moment of it; watching the pleasure build on his face, his breaths coming quicker and quicker, the way his whole body tenses up as he approaches his climax. When he finally comes, Victor gasps and scrunches his face up in what almost looks like pain, cock spurting over his belly untouched and inner muscles clenching hard around Yuuri’s fingers.

Yuuri gentles him through the aftermath, wiping his hand on the now thoroughly messy sheets and then pulling him in close. They lie facing each other like two parentheses, feet tangled together and noses touching. Victor traces his fingers over the contours of Yuuri’s cheek with a feather-light touch, as if memorizing its shape. For a while neither of them say anything, just listening to their gradually slowing breaths and the sounds of the rain. 

Finally Victor breaks the silence. “If I hadn’t gone into heat, do you think we would have gotten here?” he asks, gesturing between them.

Yuuri considers. “I think we still would have, it just would have taken longer,” he decides. He smiles fondly. “You would have broken through my obliviousness eventually.”

Victor chuckles. “I’d like to think so too.” He sighs. “I still feel like a bit of an idiot, though. I was supposed to have my heat after Worlds, when I normally have it. But this past winter I… I don’t know, it was like I was in a fog all the time. And I just… forgot.” He gestures helplessly.

Yuuri grips his hand and squeezes it tightly. He thinks about how he once read that forgetfulness could be a symptom of depression. “But you don’t feel that way now?” he asks.

“No, I really don’t. I guess I didn’t realize just how burnt out I was until I got here. And now… I’m so _happy_ , Yuuri,” he says with a soft smile. “Being here, with you, just feels right.”

“It feels right to me too,” Yuuri whispers, like a confession. He still feels like he’s stolen Victor away from the world, but he’s beginning to believe Victor may actually be a willing participant in his own capture.

Victor’s face takes on a more serious cast. “Also, I want you to know I’m glad nothing actually happened between us while I was in heat, even though I wanted it desperately at the time. I would have regretted if our first time together was while I was in a heat fog, especially if I couldn’t remember it clearly afterwards. So... thank you. For making the right choice for us both. I know I got… a little crazy.” 

He looks embarrassed and Yuuri squeezes his hand reassuringly. “Honestly, I probably would have been even worse, if our roles had been reversed,” he admits. “And you shouldn’t feel bad about it anyway, you were beautiful,” he says firmly.

Victor smiles gratefully. “That’s kind of you to say.” He looks hesitant. “And… I know all of this is still new between us but… when the time comes, I’d be very happy if you wanted to share my next heat. Or, our heats, if the timing worked.”

Yuuri’s mouth falls open in surprise. He knows he had vastly underestimated the depth of Victor’s feelings for him, but this...

Seeing his expression, Victor backpedals. “Ah, I’m sorry! I’m moving too fast, aren’t I? Nevermind, there’s no rush to talk about-”

“No, no, that’s not… I’d love to! I mean, if you want to.” Yuuri says, cutting him off.

Victor’s smile is like the sun coming out. “I do!”

Yuuri grins back at him, still feeling a bit floored. Victor’s suggestion definitely implies a longer-term commitment than what they had previously agreed to. His next heat (and Yuuri’s, for that matter) won’t be until after the competitive season is over. Yuuri is hesitant to give voice to his thoughts, but their communication skills have clearly been lacking so far, so he goes ahead anyways. “Where do you, um, where do you see us a year from now, then?” he asks.

Victor looks thoughtful. “Well, in terms of geography… I’m not sure. I have to admit I hadn’t really gotten that far,” he says, idley tracing patterns over the back of Yuuri’s hand. “I just know… I know that I want you to stay close to me.”

“And never leave,” Yuuri adds.

Victor smiles. “ _Stammi vicino, non te ne andare_.” When Yuuri meets his eyes, the depth of emotion he sees there is staggering. He knows that the same feeling is welling up deep in his own heart as well. Neither he nor Victor speak the words out loud yet, but in a way they don’t need to: their feelings are written clear as day across both their faces. 

“I’ve been thinking,” Victor continues. “You should do it for your exhibition. _Stammi vicino_ , I mean.”

“Really, you’d want me to?”

“Of course. I love the way you skate that piece.”

“Well, if you’re OK with it then… I guess I could. Assuming I’ll even need an exhibition piece.”

Victor scoffs. “Of course you will.” He’s starting to look sleepy, eyes drooping. He yawns widely, face scrunching adorably. “Mmm, I’m so tired.”

“Take a nap then.” Yuuri reaches up gently to brush Victor’s hair back out of his face. He must be exhausted still, so soon after his heat.

Victor nuzzles into Yuuri’s touch, closing his eyes. “You’ll stay with me?” he asks.

“I don’t know…,” Yuuri says, as if considering. “I’ll have to ask my coach if I can take a rest day. He’s a bit of a taskmaster though, so-”

“Your coach, hm?” Victor asks, opening one eye to squint at him sleepily. “He doesn’t sound like any fun, you should really prioritize your boyfriend over him.”

“Oh. My boyfriend, huh?” Yuuri asks, unable to contain his grin.

“Yes. And _he_ wants you to stay and cuddle him.”

“Well in that case, I guess I had better stay.”

“Good.” Victor rolls onto his back, pulling Yuuri with him so that he’s tucked under Victor’s arm, head pillowed on his chest. Victor nuzzles into Yuuri’s hair, scenting him contentedly. It’s not long before his breaths become deep and even as he slips into sleep. Yuuri, not having spent the last few days in heat, isn’t as tired. He just curls up contentedly, listening to the sound of the rain on the windowpanes and the steady metronome of Victor’s heartbeat. 

He wonders when he should tell Victor that he loves him. Even with the revelation that Victor has wanted him for far longer than he had ever hoped for, this thing between them still feels fragile and new. He’s not quite ready to say the words yet, and maybe neither is Victor. But that’s OK, because the long summer months stretch out ahead of them, followed by the whole competitive season. His heart beats faster, thinking of how different that will be this year, with Victor at his side. And after that… for the first time, Yuuri allows himself to imagine how his future might look with Victor in it. 

_Stay close to me, and never leave_ , he thinks.

They have plenty of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...And that’s how it became less a summer of mutual pining and more of a summer of mutual orgasms! 
> 
> I decided to end the story here because I feel like it would play out more-or-less as it does in canon from here on out, with the only real difference being that their romantic/physical relationship started earlier. I do have a couple ideas about what might happen in their future in this 'verse, so I might write those someday. Right now I have a couple other Victuuri stories I'm more focused on, however.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who left kudos, and especially everyone who left comments! Your feedback has really encouraged me to keep writing!
> 
> My tumblr is celardor12.tumblr.com if you want to find me there.


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